Join my Band?

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06/16/2013 by stabbinrobots

This story is a bit roundabout, so stay with me.

When I was younger (in middle and high school) I would make up silly/twisted fake bands and write and produce albums for them (complete with liner notes and everything!) with a few friends. The music was all incredibly offensive. Many of the songs ended up being about poo, while others included gems with themes such as pedophilia and elder abuse.

I guess I liked playing with taboo subjects. I assure you, I knew they were wrong, but I wrote about them anyways, in as humorous a light as possible, making fun of the fact that people like this actually exist.

Tasteless? Definitely.

In high school, when I was 12, I took part in a “Rock School” put on by the British embassy (where my Dad works). Essentially, how it worked was teens signed up and they picked like 25 random kids and put them into bands. Each band was mentored by a rock musician from the UK. We had five days to write at least three original songs, the fifth day being our big performance at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa. Nerve-wracking, but fun. The performance was also recorded for us, and I still have the CD. And the songs I wrote were serious and about real issues, such as the Columbine shootings that had just happened.

(In case you were curious, I was the vocalist in my band, despite my father originally signing me up to play electric guitar, which, at that point, I’d had all of two lessons on, while participating in my first choir at age 3)

So I wanted to start my own band. I never ended up keeping in touch with the kids from my Rock School band, and everyone I knew who could play an instrument was already in a band. I wanted to start a band, but ended up just being in choir until I left high school. Sadly, nothing has ever come of my (supposed) musical talents.

I daydreamed about the awesome band I would start, and each time, I would come back to some silly schtick or corny theme band.

Well, I finally thought of one that I would actually enjoy making a reality, even if it’s only for teh lulz.

Introducing illustrious feminist rock sensation, The Strong Kegels, headlining their Rock the G-Spot Tour. They’re promoting their new album, My Boobs/My Beats featuring the hit single Stop Poking at My Clit Like it’s a Doorbell, Ding-Dong.

I’m the bassist. Because I love that damn bass, even if I can’t draw it.

I never said I wasn’t ridiculous.


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